25 Fantasy Football Hot Takes For 2015

With one game in the books for the 2015 NFL season, we were reminded of a few things. First being that Tom Brady is pretty good at football. Brady was on a mission last night to put all of the offseason's circus behind him with a MVP-caliber performance. We were also reminded of the incomparable pass-catching talents of Rob Gronkowski and Antonio Brown. Both players are deservingly being the first players taken at their respective positions in fantasy drafts across the Sports Nerds World. 

For people like myself, the sad feeling caused by the end of the summer season is only cured by the arrival of the NFL season. The Lombardi trophy is up for grabs again between the 32 NFL teams (except the Redskins), and we can all look forward to melting into our couches each Sunday for the next few months. Without further ado, here are the hottest of takes for the upcoming fantasy football season....

1. My bold and completely unbiased prediction for fantasy MVP this season is Tom Brady (Lamar Miller as runner-up).
2. My not-so-bold prediction for fantasy MVP is Andrew Luck.
3. Amari Cooper will finish as a top 5 WR.

4. Rob Gronkowski will break Randy Moss' receiving TD record (23) this season.
5. The top 5 QB's in order will be Luck, Brady, Rodgers, Wilson, and.......Bradford.
6. Last year was the Year of the WR, but this year rookie RBs will thrive as 4 rookies will finish in the top 20.
7. Anybody in a PPR league that didn't take Antonio Brown number one overall made a huge mistake. He will break Marvin Harrison's record for receptions in a single season (143). 
8. The New York Jets offense will be very good this season. I can't believe I just typed that.
9. Nobody will dominate garbage time quite like Alshon Jeffrey this year. His garbage time prowess will help propel him into the top 10 for WR's.
10. This will be the first season that Andre Johnson will record double-digit receiving touchdowns.

11. Cameron Artis-Payne is definitely worth drafting with your late-round pick.

12. Jeremy Maclin will have an even better season this year than last year's season which saw him finish inside the top 10 for his position.

13. Frank Gore will join Emmitt Smith and Ricky Williams as the only backs to rush for more than 1,000 yards after turning 32 years old.

14. Eli Manning will greatly outscore big brother Peyton in 2015.

15. Even at age 36, Steve Smith will eclipse 85 catches and 1,000 yards.

16. Nobody has ever had over 2,000 receiving yards in a season. Julio Jones will be the first to do it.

17. Late-round TE's Tyler Eifert, Kyle Rudolph, and Josh Hill will all finish in the top 8 at their position. They are all also going to be 25 years old this season.

18. Given his ADP, people are forgetting how talented Sammy Watkins really is. Tyrod Taylor will be more than capable of getting him the ball.

19. The only cuffs really worth having for top RB's are Knile Davis and Ronnie Hillman.

20. Marques Colston will return to being a top-level fantasy WR in '15.

21. Dorial Green-Beckham will be a top 25 WR in the second half of the season.

22. Danny Woodhead will have over 80 receptions this year.

23. Vernon Davis will return to being a top 10 TE.

24. Davante Adams is currently the 24th WR being drafted in ESPN fantasy leagues, but he will finish outside the top 45 for wideouts this season.

25. Cam Newton will finish outside the top 18 for QB's.

I hope these takes weren't too hot for all of you. Remember to go with your gut and never take a defense or kicker before your last two rounds. Best of luck to you fantasy degenerates.

Average All Star Of The Day (8/5/15) - Yonder Alonso

In Yesterday's 8-5 loss to the Brewers, San Diego Padres first basement Yonder Alonso turned in a dangerously tepid performance. Alonso, a product of The U, went 1-4 with a double off starter Taylor Jungmann and also scored a run. He struck out once and left a total of 3 runners stranded on base. He credits his performance to his pre-game viewing of the Vacation movie remake at a local theatre. "Ed Helms was truly underwhelming in his lead role in the film, and I thought it would be neat to do the same type of thing today at the dish. Though I did love him as Andy in The Office," Alonso said. The Padres are now 52-56 this season.

Return of The King

Ex-NBA star Vin Baker conquers demons and shoots for success in Starbucks management

The recent news of our King, Vin Baker, making a comeback in the form of Starbucks management was all I needed to hear for me to get back on the blogging grind. Vin Baker is now working right near me. You can't script this any better, folks. I have never been a coffee guy, but you better believe that has changed now. If anyone wants to find me, I will now be making daily appearances at this North Kingstown Starbucks. VinBakersDeli is going to be back and better than ever. Expect hard-hitting, completely unbiased sports coverage including game recaps, fantasy football rankings, and Average All Stars of the day. 

Goodell Replaced by Potato

In a move made on late Monday night, the NFL has decided to officially part ways with Commissioner Roger Goodell. Sources believe the move was made likely because of Goodell's mishandling of various disciplinary issues. A statement from the NFL said, "We are very appreciative of the time and effort Mr. Goodell put towards our league. However, the decision made tonight is what is best for the future well-being of the National Football League."

Shortly after Goodell was let go, it was announced that he would be replaced by a potato.  Director of Football Development Matt Birk called the move "necessary" and had nothing but positive things to say about the change, "This isn't just some ordinary potato we got here. It is one straight from Idaho, so you know it's the real deal. We look forward to seeing where the potato will take us as the leader of America's favorite sport." 

The potato could not be reached for comment because it is a potato.

Indianapolis Colts Demand NFL to Give Out Participation Trophies

Indianapolis Colts owner Jim Irsay announced early Thursday morning that he has started the movement towards giving each NFL player a Participation Trophy at the conclusion of each NFL season. Said Irsay, "I'm sure I echo the thoughts of many other owners when I say that our team has worked too gosh darn hard to go home empty handed at the end of each season." Reports state that Irsay knocked on Commissioner Roger Goodell's office door for three straight hours before he could talk about the Participation Trophy dilemma.

(Above is the first of many trophy designs proposed by Irsay)

In a press conference, Commissioner Goodell stated that "Mr. Irsay made some pretty solid points in favor of handing out those trophies. Nobody can look me in the eye and tell me a guy like Coby Fleener, someone who works his tail off each day in practice, shouldn't be taking home some hardware at the end of the day." While discussions about switching the league from tackle to flag football were put on the back burner in the meeting between Irsay and Goodell, the NFL is expected to implement the Participation Trophy idea at the end of the upcoming 2015 season.

Harang and Phillies Defeat Braves, 5-2

Aaron Harang threw 6 innings of 1 run ball on Monday to help Philadelphia reach double-digit wins. The veteran right-hander credited his "perfectly toasted English muffin" that he ate during his usual pre-game routine. "Sometimes I'll leave it in the toaster too long which leads to a burnt E-muffin, and that usually means it's going to be an ugly day on the mound for me. I also substituted butter for strawberry jam as my topping, so maybe that helped too. I don't know," Harang was quoted as saying post-game. 

On the opposing side, Atlanta Braves first basemen Freddie Freeman enjoyed a tepid day at the plate (1-4, RBI, 2 LOB). "When I flied out to left in the first inning, I was actually thinking about Manny Pacquiao's shoulder injury during the entire at-bat," said Freeman. With the loss, the Braves fell to 12-14 and the Phillies narrowed the gap between the two teams in the standings by improving to 10-17.

Craig Counsell Hired by Brewers, Become New Title Favorite

After a 7-18 start, the Milwaukee Brewers decided to part ways with Manager Ron Roenicke and bring in Craig Counsell to coach up the squad. Despite having no prior coaching experience, Counsell is sure to use his vast knowledge that he gathered up from his 16-year big league career. "If these little dweebs think this season is a lost one, then I'll be sure to kick those pansies to the curb. It's time to go to work you sissies," Counsell was quoted as saying at his introductory press conference. 

The Brew Crew had no sense of moxie in them during the first month of the season, and Counsell is sure to change that during his tenure. First basemen Adam Lind was especially excited when asked about the move, "Being able to learn from a future Hall of Famer on a daily basis is going to be pretty neat. I just hope I don't get too starstruck out there in the field while I glance over at our dugout." VegasInsider.com listed the Milwaukee Brewers at 250/1 odds to win the 2015 World Series at the beginning of the season. After the hiring of Counsell, they were moved to 2/1 odds to win it all with 5/1 odds of finishing the rest of the season undefeated.